Just call me Mom of the Year.

Last night we were coming home late and it was getting too late to cook something for dinner from scratch, so I pulled into the local super market parking lot.

My daughter and I hopped out of the van and walked around to the other side to let the wee dude out.

I had noticed an older woman across from us getting into her car and another guy riding a shopping cart to his.

All of a sudden I hear the guy start laughing out loud and I look up to see what was so funny.

The woman that had gotten into her car and now had pulled along side our van. She wound down her window and started talking to me. I couldn’t quite hear her, so I leaned towards her passenger window and asked her to repeat herself. 

“Your sweet little daughter just gave me the middle finger!”


SAY WHAT NOW!?

I have NEVER given ANYONE the middle finger (in front of my kids), so as to where she picked that up, completely baffles me!

I turned around and my daughter apologized to me, but I had her immediately apologize to the lady. I was so embarrassed!

She wouldn’t tell me why she did it and stuck to me like glue while we grabbed our groceries.

Eventually, on the way home, she confessed and said that the lady made a mean face at her. Perhaps she did…she did look pretty scowly. An example of BRF (bitchy resting face).

Another lesson learned…don’t try to sneak something behind Mum’s back ’cause you’ll ALWAYS get busted.

Oh, and be kind to others. Sometimes it pisses them off more.

That’s my boy! #YMCCommunity

As parents, we try our best to protect our precious little ones from violence and swearing…

but on occasion, there is no avoiding exposing them to the ugliness around us.

We spell out swear words when their little ears are nearby, and fumble to change the channel when adult content, whether violent or sexual, shows up on the TV screen.

Recently, we were privileged to be witness to an argument in public where swear words were being thrown around. Ugh! No avoiding that one.

Our 5-1/2yo daughter has always been very good at not repeating “grown up” words, even when she’s angry. But our 2-1/2 yo son, OY VEY! He is the BIGGEST parrot and has the most impeccable timing when he chooses to share his new found vocabulary.

I was picking our daughter up from school the other day and I brought along the wee dude. We always stay for a little while to play with friends and chit chat with the others parents.

When it was time to go, I hollered for my munchkins to head to the van and Tyrannosaurus Toddler yelled back, “Shut the F*€% up!”

Face Palm

I nearly died!

The playground got quiet and I felt all eyes on me. I wanted to disappear. How do you react to THAT!?

I quickly went to him, advised him that these words were grown up words and not appropriate for kids to use, but the more I did this, the more he thought it was funny and shared this with the onlookers.

I scooped him up and we made tracks to the van. I’m sure a great discussion was had in my absence, but whatever.

No, I don’t teach my kids these words. Yes, I have occasionally let a few slip out. Yes, I try to correct them when they are used. No, I’m not worried that others think I’m a terrible parent.

Life happens…roll with the punches. Kids will be kids and parents will always learn as we go along.

PS- I’m sorry my kid taught yours to swear. Next up…arm pit farts!

The day I got noticed. #YMCCommunity

It was a regular day and I was busily getting the kids organized and packed up to head to the mall for a little errand running.

 

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The sun was shining, so I planned for us to walk over, which was only a fifteen minute journey.

As per usual, everyone must go potty or get a bum change prior to our departure, so as not to have the “MOM, I NEED TO GO POTTY NOW!”, halfway en route. Little Miss tends to her business and the wee lad has had a poop, so a little extra work is required.

Finally, we’re all sorted and out the door.

We talk and sing merrily as we dawdle along. Checking out the bugs, learning about the trees and singing out favourite tunes.

Once we get to the mall, immediately the request to visit the play area is made, so I negotiate that we do our errands quickly, and then we go to the play area before heading home.

Oddly, people keep looking at me. I get some smiles and double takes, and attribute it to my being on the local news recently, so clearly these people have recognized me.

Double take

We carry on, finish getting what we need and head over to the play area.

Again, more stares.

A little uncomfortable, but now I understand what being a celebrity must feel like. Not that I’m calling myself a celebrity by any means, but having my face recognized is a little weird.

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I let the littles play for half an hour or so, but now it is time to head home for lunch and the little man’s afternoon nap.

When we get home, the mandatory hand washing is required. As we’re washing our hands, I take a quick glance in the mirror…

To my horror, I see a brown smear across my forehead!

When I changed Captain Poopypant’s diaper before we left, I must have got some on my hand. I recall brushing my hair from my face before I washed my hands, so that’s probably how it got there.

ERMAGHERD! THAT’S WHY EVERYONE WAS LOOKING AT ME!

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My daughter was supposed to be my wingman when it comes to stuff like this! Kids ALWAYS notice when you have crap on your face or a booger in your nose.

I certainly hope the people that we had encountered throughout the day didn’t actually recognize me from my TV appearance. I’m sure they’d be telling all their friends, “Yeah, I saw that chick from the news the other day today. She had poo on her face!”

Have you ever embarrassed yourself in public?

Father’s Day…a shopping experience. #YMCCommunity

Father’s Day is this weekend, so I loaded up the kids and headed to the local shopping mall.

Photo credit: The Now News

Photo credit: The Now News

We arrive and hit up the play area so the kiddos can burn off some of their excess energy and build up an appetite for a bite of lunch.

There’s a pile of kids running amok and our little spazzes are terrorizing the small enclosure. Our daughter decides that she’s the only one allowed to play in the Hollow Tree and mouths off to another kid. So Mama Bear makes her appearance and demands an apology be said or we will be heading home post haste.

The apology is made under her breath and in a huff.

Then our young lad feels that he should be driving the car (as most men do) in the play area and bops the little girl sitting in the driver’s seat, in the nose a couple of times before my go-Gadget-go arm is able to stop him.

Another apology session is played out in protest, but it too is made.

The play area starts to get crazy, so I manage to persuade our spawn that it’s lunch time and if we go now, we can get pizza! The most appropriately priced meal in the entire fast food selection in the mall. Three of us can eat for $5, not $15.

We get our food, our daughter gets the job of putting the Parmesan on the slices. She proceeds to empty the entire shaker onto our food…awesome.

Lunch is had, but most of the wee lad ‘s portion, ended up on the ground and the little lady’s pizza ended up topless. I reflect back to my comment about the most appropriately priced meal in the mall.

Now, it’s time to get Daddy’s Father’s Day gift.

We hit up Cole’s and they’ve got a table stacked with books right at the front of the store marked, “Great reads for Dads”, so this makes my life a bit easier. I won’t have to spend too much time scouring the shelves while my monsters start to get bored. As I’m reading the inside leaf of a book, our son takes a swipe at the neighbouring table and a stack of books go sliding off and onto the floor with a loud crash! I pick them up and he decides to launch his bear and soother across the store.

Not exactly as shown.

Not exactly as shown.

Time to go.

I collect our daughter, who has planted her bum down in front of the magazine rack and is leafing through a Monster High and a Scooby Doo magazine, pay for the book that I had chosen and as I’m doing so, the boy rips a shelf talker off the checkout display and totally destroys it.

Good grief….

I hand the pieces to the cashier, apologize and make like the wind and break.
We head to Old Navy as fast as our daughter’s legs will move and as I’m looking for Daddy’s size, the lad pulls a stack of jeans off the shelf and onto himself. Our daughter is running around the racks playing hide and seek and laughing maniacally while the other shopper’s deke out of her way. I pick up the stack, grab a couple pairs of shorts that may or may not be the right size, and B-Line it for the checkout.

Last stop, card store.

We race to the other side of the mall and find the Father’s Day card section.
I manoeuvre the stroller so that it’s right in the middle of the aisle, and to my delight, little guy can reach both sides.

Hmmm…which side to choose? The highly breakable side containing ceramic and glass ornaments, or the rack of cards. I choose the latter. Possibly the safest (and cheapest) choice if Armageddon ensues.

I must say, that when it comes to card shopping, I make really good choices and can do so quite quickly. But not as fast as our son, who had now pulled several cards out and is on the verge of destroying them. I pry the wee lass away from her Show & Tell of the “sound” cards to the fellow patrons and we get through the checkout without too much trouble. Only a few items grabbed and replaced.

It’s now nap time as the Spazzometer starts to go off!

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Screaming through the mall, past the play area, where the volume increases because we don’t stop, we get back to the van.

Little Dude doesn’t want to get into his seat. He protests by performing his best impression of a 2×4, and won’t bend in the middle so I can click him into his seat belt. He slides down the seat and as I hoist him back in, I bonk his head into the ceiling of the van causing even more yelling and crying.

Spectacular.

When he takes a breath and relaxes, I am able to get him restrained in his moment of weakness.

The 15 minute drive home feels like half an hour from the screaming going on. But our daughter merrily sings along to the radio, completely tuning out her brother.
We get home, put the lad in his bed, I finally sit down for a minute and….

“Mom! Done! I went poo!

Aaaahhhh…the life of a parent to young kids.

Happy Father’s Day, Dear! I hope you like your presents.

#WhenToddlersAttack

#WhenToddlersAttack

Smelly Markers…a Thank You Letter. #YMCCommunity

Dear Smelly Markers,

Thank you for bringing me back to my childhood when I smell your familiar fragrance.

Thank you for making my artwork so bright and aromatic at the same time.

 

Thank you for still being around so that my kids can enjoy your awesomeness.

Smelly markers

Thank you for your delicious fragrance that no kid can help but inhale upon opening the lids.

Thank you for giving my children something to do when I’m not looking.

Thank you for the hilarity that ensued.

Thank you for your indelible ink that is not easily removed.

Thank you for creating more work for me.

Unsupervised children.Thank you for creating memories for us to look back at.

THANK YOU!

 

How To: Make a bed with a toddler. #WhenToddlersAttack #YMCCommunity

Beautiful Bed

1) Remove bedding and toss on top of toddler.

2) Drag dirty bedding to washing machine with toddler going for a ride on top.

3) Pull bedding out from under toddler while they roll around in it.

4) Turn washing machine on and add detergent.

5) Close washing machine lid.

6) Open washing machine lid and retrieve toy car that was tossed in just as the lid was closing.

7) Get fresh bedding from the linen closet.

8) Go save toddler from the linen closet because it’s too dark in there.

Toddler on the bed9) Place fitted sheet onto mattress.

10) Remove fitted sheet and toddler from bed.

11) Re place fitted sheet.

12) Toss flat sheet onto bed and spread it out evenly.

13) Untwist toddler from flat sheet.

14) Re place flat sheet.

15) Chase after toddler and retrieve pillows.

16) Remove pillowcase from toddler’s head and place pillow inside.

17) Repeat steps 15 & 16 once or twice more, depending on number of pillows you use.

18) Place pillows at head of bed.

19) Remove toddler and toys from behind the pillows.

20) Lay out bed spread or if using a duvet…

20.1) Remove toddler from duvet cover (yes, it makes a wonderful ghost costume), spread duvet cover on bed, locate duvet in the living room, remove toddler from duvet cover, insert duvet into cover, and place on the bed.

21) Remove toddler from beneath duvet.

22) Remove all bedding from the bed because the diaper that the toddler was wearing, has leaked and is now gracing your fresh bedding with it’s presence.

23) Repeat Steps 2 through 6.

24) Clean up toddler and replace diaper and clothing.

25) Wait for nap time and make the bed.

Too much laundry.

Operation Bedroom Share…COMPLETE FAIL! #YMCCommunity

I have been considering having our two little mites share a room for several months now.

We live in a two bedroom condo and currently our 4-1/2 yo sleeps in our room with us. She’s in her own bed, but we have her bunk with us because she sleeps through the night whereas the Little Dude at 19 months, still wakes every so often, making for a disturbed sleep for Daddy, who has to get up early for work in the morning.

Last week Daddy went away for work and I decided that this would be a fabulous opportunity for Operation Bedroom Swap!

The kids would take over the Master Bedroom as it was large enough to accommodate the crib, our daughter’s bed, the change table/ dresser, the night stand, the wee man’s dresser and still have room to move.

The second bedroom barely contained our queen-sized bed, but I was cool with this as we only used our room for sleeping, not entertaining.

So after 2-1/2 hours of taking two beds apart, swapping the furniture between the two rooms, keeping the lad from getting squashed by the queen-sized mattress, retrieving the screwdriver from his hands several times, stopping for lunch, putting a massive gauge in the hardwood floor and the general refereeing needed to keep the spawn from hurting each other (too badly), I managed to get the rooms set up and ready just in time for nighty night time.

The kids LOVED the new set up and I thought it was pretty cool too.

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We did our bedtime routine as normal, Little Dude got his bottle, teeth brushed and was tucked in. The little lady then did her usual, had her cup of milk, brushed her teeth, we read a bedtime story (in Mum & Dad’s bed), went potty and quietly tucked her in.

Within 5 minutes, I hear, “Mama, I need a drink of water!” being yelled from the kids room!

I quickly pop in there with her water and tuck her back in, but as I’m making a quick get-away, I hear a giggle come from Little Dudes crib! BLARGH! I lay him back down, turn on his mobile and Sleep Sheep and hope that he settles back down.

Nope! He sees his sister across the room and proceeds to toss his bears and soother at her. She gets up and gives them back, but this creates a new bedtime game, so he tosses them at her again, so of course, she gives them back. This goes on for 5 minutes and I decide that she needs to come lay in my bed until Mr. Playtime falls back to sleep.

Normally, she wants to lay and possibly sleep in our bed, but tonight she insisted on being in her own bed and started acting up. I waited about 10 minutes and we snuck her back into her bed.

We managed to get through the night, so I figured I’d give another night a go.

Ugh! Night 2 was worse! The lad was up several times, woke his sister, they couldn’t get back to sleep, which made for a crappy next day.

Operation Bedroom Swap Reversal was inevitable and done very quickly just in time for afternoon nap.

If we stay living in our current dwelling for a few more years, the kids will eventually share a room. But…it won’t be until the boy is at least 2-1/2yo.

Do your kids share a room? How was the transition?